Generator (Jean-Marc-Parent)

It was pitch black. Everyone was keeping an eye on their house and especially their generator. We were afraid. It was the season of generators, everyone was obsessed with generators. I wanted one, everyone wanted one. At the time, you could have put your sound system, your TV, your jewelry, whatever, outside on the curb for people to take and no one would touch them. They all wanted a generator. You were sitting on your wooden crate outside holding your 12-gauge pump-action shotgun. You saw someone walking toward you in the dark. Who is it? CREAK CREAK. What do you want—firewood? No way, it’s my firewood! Get lost! I don’t have any fondue fuel, I don’t have anything! Beat it! Buzz off! Yes, we were afraid. I wanted a generator. I called one of my friends, Claude Ste-Marie, who had a store and I asked him to put a generator aside for me. He replied, “Hurry, there aren’t any left!” I got to the store as fast as I could. A bunch of people were waiting in line. He said, “There’s a little one left. 700 watts.” It was the size of a lunchbox. At the time, I didn’t know anything about generators or what wattage was. 700 watts, hmmm… 700 watts seems like a lot. 700 bucks, well that’s a fair bit of money. So, 700 watts… I came back home and everyone was waiting. They asked anxiously, “So? So?” I replied, “I got one! I got one, everybody!” We set up the generator on the side of the house. My friend at the store had told me, “You’ll see, it’s really quiet. It goes Prlrlrlrlrlrlr.” That was true. It went Prlrlrlrlr. I plugged in a lamp. PRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLR. Everyone was excited. We plugged in a lamp. I tell you, for the 12 people staying in the house, it was like someone had just invented the light bulb. We were all standing around the lamp. Someone said, “Go ahead! Turn it on!” I turned it on. PRLRLRLRLRLRLRLR. “It works!” Let me tell you, 700 watts is totally useless. Do you know what 700 watts does? We found out, those of us who lived in the triangle. 700 watts is nothing. 700 watts will power seven 100-watt bulbs. Or 14 50-watt bulbs. I had no clue. A hairdryer to dry your hair is 1600 watts. A fridge is 1000 watts to turn on, 500 to keep it running. But we all know now how much electricity everything takes. A TV is 300 watts, a sound system is 300 watts. We added it all up. When I went back to the store, I said, “Yoo-hoo, I brought back your lunch box, it didn’t take long. The only thing it will run is a lamp, so I can guess I can keep my flashlight, eh?” Pish.