“The Paris Crew” Paris Bound

A title appears on the screen: Paris Bound

A single live performer sits on a wooden trunk dressed in a man’s black suit jacket and black top hat.

Sheriff Harding: I’m Sheriff Harding, business manager of Saint John’s Carleton Crew. You know, rowing can be quite a rewarding sport, and the rowing fans who know when to back a winner will be richly rewarded indeed. Some fellows know a winner when they see one, well the lads and I have been making a few “investments” of our own, and the last one has paid out quite handsomely indeed. We know a winner when we are one. Now, I haven’t told the lads yet so keep it a secret. (Speaks in low voice) They’re going to represent New Brunswick at the great international exposition in Paris France! Ah, good day Elijah Ross.

A second live performer joins onstage. The character of Elijah Ross is dressed in period costume from 1867; brown woolen trousers, white linen shirt, brown leather suspenders and “The Paris Crew” signature rowing cap.

Elijah Ross: Good day Sheriff Harding

Harding: I have your share of the winnings from last Sunday

Ross: Oh, I always like to have a few coins to jingle in me pockets

Harding reaches into his suit jacket pocket and pulls out a stack of bills and hands them to Ross.

Harding: Well Ross, I’m afraid these won’t jingle

Ross: Gasps

Having received the money Ross is not paying attention to what Harding is saying, he continues to fan through the bills and counting his earnings.

Harding: Now, I ah have to speak with Hutton. Will you go fetch him for me? …Ross go get Hutton!

Ross exists the stage to fetch Hutton. Ross has left and Hutton quickly enters the stage. Hutton is wearing the same uniform as Ross.

Harding: Samuel Hutton. I’m sure you understand how voices can sometimes travel quite a distance over calm water

Hutton: Of course Sheriff Harding, I’ve spent my whole life on the river

Harding: Well, at last Sunday’s race the crew’s chattering could be heard quite distinctly by the crowds on the shore

Hutton: Is that so?

Harding: Yes, and Fulton was entertaining you and the others with one of his, ah, funny little stories?

Hutton: Oh, yes haha he was…Oh, oh yes he was oh dear

Harding: And the story he was telling wasn’t very fitting for gentle company now was it?

Hutton: No sir, it certainly wasn’t. I’ll tell him to try and keep it in check from now on sir.

Harding: Please do that. Oh, and I almost forgot your share of the winnings.

Harding reaches into his suit jacket pocket and pulls out a stack of bills and hands them to Hutton. Having not made much money in rowing locally, Hutton just grabs the top bill from the stack and turns away.

Hutton: Well, thank you very much sir. Mrs. Hutton and I are planning on buying a new cook stove and this five dollars will really help out with that.

Harding: Sam, they’re all yours

Hutton: M-m-mine?

Harding: Yes

Hutton crouches in front of Harding, bows his head and begins to sob. Harding pats Hutton on the back.

Harding: There, there Sam. You’re a winner now remember? You’re a champion. You’ll just have to get used to that. Now, I have to speak to Price, will you go fetch him for me?

Hutton exists the stage to fetch Price. Hutton has left and Price quickly enters the stage. Price is wearing the same uniform as the other teammates.

Harding: George Price

George Price: Good day Sheriff Harding

Harding: I have your share of the winnings

Harding reaches into his suit jacket pocket and pulls out a stack of bills and hands them to Price. Price comically gets down on one knee and does sign of the cross, as if to worship the money he is receiving.

Harding: Um, please rise. I wanted to speak with you about that last race of ours.

Price: Ah, we won that one handily

Harding: Yes, and that is all to your credit. You provide the maturity, the focus, the discipline; the boys have a surplus of strength and energy, but it is worth nothing if it is not applied with a purpose. I commend you. But um, I was wondering why you lads ceased rowing during that last stretch

Price: Oh, you’ll have to talk to Fulton about the pace, he’s the stroke.

Harding: So, in this instance the pace he set was no pace at all?

Price: I’ll go get Fulton

Harding: Please

Price exists the stage to fetch Fulton. Price has left and Fulton quickly enters the stage. Fulton is wearing the same uniform as the other teammates.

Harding: Fulton, I have your share of the winnings

Harding reaches into his suit jacket pocket and pulls out a stack of bills and hands them to Fulton. Fulton snatches the money from Harding’s hand and begins to walk away, but turns around when he remembers that they needed to speak about the race.

Fulton: Thanks Harding. Oh, you wanted to speak to me about something?

Harding: Ah, yes. I was wondering why the lads ceased rowing during that last race of ours?

Fulton: Well, we were well ahead

Harding: Yes, but the race was still on

Fulton: I suppose it was but we were well ahead. I wish I’d brought a newspaper or a picnic basket or…

Harding: But you didn’t have a newspaper or a picnic basket or your knitting did you?

Fulton: Um, well no

Harding: So why did you lads cease pulling at the oars?

Fulton: I had to have a word with a bookmaker on shore

Harding: And why was that?

Fulton: I had to know exactly how much he regretted giving the Carleton Crew such long odds

Harding: And exactly how much did he regret, um, his underestimation?

Fulton: He didn’t say. He just stared at his feet and sobbed

Harding: Oh Fulton, you are a saucy pup, and you won’t be getting away with those sorts of shenanigans at the Paris Regatta

Fulton: Oh no, of course not. Wait what? Sam, George, Elijah, the Carleton Crew is Paris bound!!

Fulton is so excited of the news he runs off to tell his teammates of the announcement that leaves Harding standing there. The scene fades and the logo for the New Brunswick Sports Hall of Fame appears onscreen.